Marriage- Us against an Enemy

I've learned so many things and have grown up in so many ways as a result of my new life with Asher.

I think any of you reading should be able to relate to what I share about marriage, no matter what your life circumstance is. Whether you are married or single or divorced, content or lonely, hopeful or brokenly disappointed... (Be sure He loves you. He deeply and relentlessly loves you...), no matter our life circumstance the number one call for all of our lives is to learn love. Whether that is with a husband, our families, or God the lessons of love that we gain through one of these relationships can be applied to all of them. You are not left out of the school of love. When you hear of another persons life lesson try to apply it to a relevant relationship in your life. When I talk about loving our husbands better, but you are not married consider how to love your mother better or members in your church.

When beginning marriage, all at once you are made to face your own selfishness and see every hidden flaw. And all at once your heart is feeling healing and wholeness that it never knew it needed. There are levels of peace that my spirit never knew existed and there have also been areas of fear and sin that I never knew I had hidden. Asher and I are overwhelmed with happiness in our marriage yet even with that being true we often marvel at how people do marriage without God. It seems like such a difficult and complex thing, so much so at times that it seems like only God can bring the supernatural solutions that are so desperately needed.

I remember once, only a few weeks into our marriage Asher and I were just stuck. I had nothing else to argue and he had nothing else to argue but the argument was not resolved. The frustration and selfishness and sin was still between us. I wanted to lock myself in a room and cry but Asher could hear Gods whisper. He told him to pray. We held hands and prayed and God told us the most amazing truth through our praying. It is the three of us against one enemy. After our talking with God there was only peace and forgiveness and laughter and gentleness. It was supernatural and spiritual and so good in a way that only God can make something good.

In any sorting through or working something out we often voice that it is not me against Asher, it is not something that he did to me or I did to him, it isn't pointing fingers or placing blame. It is the enemy trying to put a wedge between one of the most powerful instruments that God has on earth, marriage. The enemy will use our insecurities, he will use our annoyances, our sin, our lack of gentleness or sensitivity. He will pull on any and every dark thing in us that he can find in order to put distance between a married couple. As a single person you get this in milder doses with your family members, friends, and church. If you are willing and obedient you will get it in stronger doses when God asks you to be faithful to those that are difficult to love or enjoy. The enemy will pull on every ungodly thing in you to tear the relationship apart, but God will use the enemies pulling to make you more like Him.

This is why marriage is so hard for couples. It is not because either person is unlovable or hard to live with. We all may struggle with sin and selfishness, but Jesus still loves us and wants us to live with Him for Eternity. If we can see that it is the enemy who is trying to tear us down and not our spouse then we will find more victory in our conflicts. If we push to love each other the way Jesus loves us, then what can come between us? Our sin and idiosyncrasies certainly don't change the way Jesus loves and pursues us. Neither should our spouses sin or weaknesses change the way we love them.

Oh how I love that God works all things for our good. Do you know what he does with all of satan's attacks in marriage? He walks us through our sin so that we can rid ourselves of it and become more like him, more free and alive in love. This is nothing we can't do on our own, we have to humble ourselves enough to seek God, even after we feel we've done everything we possibly can do to fix it ourselves, we must ask God to help bring His will into the situation. When Asher and I see a bit of selfishness in ourselves and we work through it and soon learn to rid our lives of it, we feel so much peace. We are happy and our marriage is happy. This is what God does. This is why he hates sin. Sin tears down spouses, it rips apart families, it darkens our lives. But righteousness, which is found only in humility in receiving his blood, sets us free. His righteousness brings our feet to dancing, our hearts to singing, and our relationships to purer and purer love.

How Glorious! In order to experience the fullness of love and life in our relationships we must walk them out with God. And God is the fullness of everything, the joy giver, the peace bringer, the promise maker, best friend, savior, husband, and king. How kind of Him to draw us to Himself.

March 2012 Pregnancy Brain- Embracing Humility

My third little baby was born last week, a sweet baby boy we have named Cayden. He is perfect and God is so amazing. In celebration of this new gift I'm going to write a bit about my transition into pregnancy (and out of and into and out of and back into again) over the last three years.

Asher and I were married less than a year after that first date. After staying a month or two in Kentucky we moved back to our home in India. I can remember feeling very lonely and I found myself always wishing for friendships here in India. Some days I did well to embrace the fact that deep friendships take time and much effort, other days I allowed it to get me down.

The getting down bit came from being me, but also from the fact that only after a month of being in India I was pregnant and didn't know it. I wasn't in the dark for too long though because I soon experienced constant sickness, hunger, and emotionally wild roller coasters from the pregnancy.

One of those emotional roller coasters started from the feeling that I needed to measure up to my new family. Asher was the administrator and leader of this community and I felt that I needed to adequately play the role of his serious, responsible, hospitable, perfect wife. None of this was put on me by my family or husband of course… It is against the hidden powers of darkness that we fight against isn't it? The enemy may have used the opinions of one and the actions of another to accuse me of not measuring up but it should have been my response to cast down those accusations by resting in my identity as a daughter of God. 

Through neglecting the war I was meant to be fighting, I slowly allowed insecurity to rob my life. I'm sure the pregnancy was a major factor in how difficult the situation was for me because the strong side effects of pregnancy pounced on me rather harshly and all at once.

Then the most humbling of my transitions began to arise as all my words started to go missing. Have you heard of pregnancy brain?? I hadn't, until someone commented on mine about half way through my pregnancy. It was hard for me to form complete thoughts. In the middle of every third sentence I would forget the simple word I was about to say. I grew more and more afraid of meeting new people, all of them talked too fast for me to understand. I could only follow them half way through their sentence before my mind drifted off to something else. I tried to write.. but I remember reading my sentence over and over and tirelessly struggling to make it to the end of what I wrote with full comprehension.

I was newly married, in a new country, with new people and a new family. My body was doing new things and all I could ever think about was throwing up and eating Kentucky Fried Chicken. I was concerned with the praises of man and God proved himself loving by humbling me. I had nothing impressive to say, nothing coherent to write, no amazing work to be accredited for, I couldn't even glory in my relationship with God because I rarely drew close to Him. 

Over the past three years I have been working to be content with that. Not the being far from Him bit, but with having nothing to glory in. He has used the process to help me question my motivations. He used all those transitions to help me see bits in me that were seeking self-glory rather than His glory. He is so good to do that. Being wrapped up with a concern for self glory is suffocating and I am still asking God to release me from it. I'm rejoicing in the freedom He is slowly helping me walk in.

God, help us as your children embrace the transitions that bring humility: demotions, rejections, failures and a lack of recognition.. Help us rejoice in these experiences, as they aid in lowering us still so that you may be exalted. Develop in us hearts that are humble like yours.