Three Years Later

Wow, so it's about three years ago that I wrote my last post. I smirk now at the title of this blog because the number of transitions in my life over these three years have multiplied! 

Asher and I now live with and look after 18 teenage boys. A blessing much more than a challenge, but a challenge none the less. We also have two little baby girls and another little baby soon arriving!

But I feel like I'm getting a little too ahead of myself, maybe I should backtrack and take a few posts to give some history to our story.

I first came to this boys home in India in February 2011, I'll share a bit now about the six months or so leading up to my coming. This will illustrate how Father God is really good at preparation and promises and healing.

Those months in 2010 were some of the most painful months of my life. I won't get into the details but suddenly everything that I thought was true was turned upside down. I was an incredibly trusting person, always believing the best in people and always believing the words they said. But by the end of that painful process, I doubted the authenticity of everyone I came across, even my own. I was also being dragged through the dirt by the enemy concerning my self-worth and purpose. The only things I could think about were my many failures and inabilities. And the question that spiraled me down into total brokenness was, "Is every experience I've ever had with God a Sham?" Basically I got hurt and betrayed by multiple people and I felt like it was God who led me into the confusion. My response was to allow the enemy to have a free-for-all attack on my identity.

Some nights it was all I could do to drive away to find a remote place where I would kneel on the backseat floor of my car and just cry and pray, begging God to help me understand or at least just survive what happened. I felt betrayed by God. I wondered if I could even hear Him at all, and I began to think, "I wonder if all this time I've just been making up his voice and presence in my life."

 I knew I loved Him and I knew He loved me but the confusion of every bit of life not making sense… even the bit with Him, made me feel hopeless. But Jesus gave me the grace to cling to Him. He somehow helped me trust Him still and if nothing else find comfort in our love. Even if our love were a dream it would be worth believing in. Eventually he pulled me out of that struggling place and he redeemed all of that pain in the most beautiful way. Now I am here in a place I've always dreamed of, with the husband and children I've always wanted and a trust in God that he knew I needed.

If you have walked with Jesus for long you know how faithful He is. Aren’t you so thankful for His faithfulness? There are times when I feel so undone or overwhelmed by how true He has been to me through all of my ups and downs.

Now when I hit a rough patch or a desert season I don't feel a panic. I know that there is nothing I could go through that He would abandon me in. I know that in time He will answer, He will heal, He will comfort and He will make sense of all confusion. No matter the changes of life or the condition of my heart I know that He will bring me back to peace and love and joy and hope and steadfastness. It is His faithfulness and He will do it. 1Thessalonians 5:24

All of us have experienced pain, disappointment, and confusion. We are bound to experience even more as life goes on. Let us not focus on the chaos of the external but on the beauty God is making out of it. Let us focus on Him and His love. 

Oh that we could be faithful back to you Jesus for all of our lives. That we wouldn't turn away from you even for a day. We want to love you the way you have loved us. Thank you for humility, thank you for brokenness. Thank you for the many dry desserts and painful storms you've allowed us to walk through. 

You long to prove your faithfulness to us as we walk those dessert walks. Any faithfulness and purification we attain is from you alone and nothing of our own. You only need our weak and broken, "Amen" to make good out of it all. So Amen God, Amen to all the good that you have for those you love.